Asylum has pulled them all into one convenient place: The 50 sexiest things in 2009. Surprisingly, only about half appeared here on Red-Blooded Thing, but I had far more naked tits, so I'll call it a draw. As for the 50, it's well worth a look - maybe you missed some, too.

Huh - who knew? resorting to a sexy ad means your product is no better than the other crap for sale out there. The article does make the distinction between regular crap and a "sexy" product, so my guess is, if something's supposed to get you laid (like clothes, Axe body spray, and liquor), a sexy ad is to be expected - but advertising meat with flesh is a sign your product isn't worth a damn. But you know what? Selling sex still works - for god's sakes, chicks in burger bikinis totally fucking rocks, nobody can say it didn't remind people that their shitty burgers still exist.

As if Christmas isn't hard enough for Christians to deal with - what with all the gift-buying that God requires - now they've got to be offended. And by a church no less! A New Zealand church has put out an ad which hints that God is a better lay than mere mortals. No shit, Sherlock - but not just anyone can be fucked by God; Mary was the Immaculate Conception, so only the hard, throbbing cock of the Christian God is good enough for her pussy. It's no wonder Jesus didn't have any other brothers or sisters; it's like trying to concieve with Supergirl or something.

According to Canada - and who listens to Canada, really? - a study of box-office numbers shows that sex doesn't result in higher box-office returns. Too much sex and it reduces returns, but that's due to the ratings boards assigning an NC17 versus an R than outright viewer choice. "Independent Vancouver-based researcher Anemone Cerridwen" wonders why there's sex in films at all - but I can say from first-hand experience that there's a lot of shitty, shitty films out there that have made more money because of boobs. Hell, most of the movies I watched during the eighties were because of the chance to see boobs. The only reason a lot of guys watched Fast Times at Rigemont High - a chick flick at its core - is to see Phoebe Cate's tits. Jesus christ, why else would anybody have voluntarily watched Doc Hollywood if not for the gratuitous nudity? The Mr Skin guys are fucking rich because of sex and nudity in films, but I guess it's hard for Canada to understand - so God Bless America!

I've been slowly accumulating links to sexy calendars, but COED magazine has compiled a good list on their own, including hot photos - that Keeley Hazell bubble bath photo gets me riled up, you know - with enough calendars to cover every wall, including your cubicle at work, with a different hottie every month. Here's two more that I got emailed to me, which are artiser: Mishka NYC with photos by Ellen Stagg, and a Eastern European Beauties swimsuit calendar.

Let's say you've flown on Finnair a few times, your airmiles are building up, but you just can't find a reason to use all your miles up. The airline has a solution: cash in your airmiles for a bigger rack. Finnair has made arrangements with the fine medical community of Finland to offer the free "upgrades" after an initial customer-paid consultation. Nobody's taken them up on the offer yet, but soon, soon, those gorgeous jetsetting Finnish babes will be upgraded to Californian standards!

I'm a sucker for naughty calendars, and Ryanair is the newest entry. Not much nudity, sadly, although there's some of those hot "she's naked, but her arms are strategically positioned" photos that make Maxim even remotely readable. This is a charity calendar, so get one, help out some kids, and look at sexy stewardesses all year long.

Over in the UK, they've got something called "Tango", which appears to be the kind of soda assholes drink. They've also got a government group that makes sure ads aren't offensive, and they've shut down one of Tango's recent ad campaigns, because the posters lead drinkers to believe that, if they drink the crap, they'll be induced to suck on a "bull's udder", or, which implies the only thing hanging down between a bull's legs. Whoever thinks that it's a selling point to suggest that bestiality cunnilingus is tied to your product, they should be fired - but, as we all know, they'll just claim the Tango made them do it.

There's something online called "Evony", which I only know through their busty and erection-provoking online ads. Evony has shown their hand by not vetting the exclusivity of their images better: their recent campaign included an image from the cover of a girls-gone-wild-esque DVD. Apparently, this has something to do with SimCastle style online gameplay, but - fuck - sex sells, and they've got gamers all over the internet yammering on about how boobs are an unacceptable way to sell an online game. Fuck that: boobs are never unacceptable when it comes to ads for grown-up products.

Poor Kelly Brook - she was photographed naked, avec pastries, for a promotional poster for the stage performance of Calendar Girls. The top photo is the original, which is more like the stage show - however, those naughty censors decided those buns aren't big enough to avoid stirring ravenous urges of men ogling her cleavage. Never mind the fact that the bready boobs have little red nipples at the ends; all it does is encourage nibbling. Anyhow, all I want to know is: where can I get one of those posters???

The World Health Organization has identified the biggest killers in the world: Child nutrition, sanitation, sex, alcohol, and high blood pressure. Those first two seem focused sharply on third-world countries, but we modern worlders love our sex, booze, and high-blood-pressure causing Bloomin' Onions. Given that's over half of the problems plaguing mortality rates today, the United Nations convened a special session on how to combat these dangers specifically, and UN Peacekeepers have been dispatched to burn every Hooters and strip-club buffet to the ground.

Ohmigod - and if a researcher said it, it must be true! The Evening Standard reports that you make more money if you jump from sex monthly to sex weekly, essentially doubling your income with a four-fold increase in sexual activity. I mean, here's the solution for our economy, because if - oh, wait a god damned second. When I went from no sex to Gracie-sex, my income didn't budge - here's what's going on: Going from monthly-sex to weekly-sex makes you as happy as doubling your income. AS HAPPY AS. Fucking London reporter can't read the god damned study right, getting everybody's hopes up, I'm so depressed I think I need to go have my daily sex, which is another 7x as often as once a week, which makes me practically a fucking millionare.

The uniforms of the Australian fire department have been upgraded from traditional blue to high-visibility orange. Problem is, the new shirts are sheer enough that they become transparent when wet. The guy firefighters don't have much of a problem; the female firefighters, on the other hand, do have trouble with the wet t-shirts (although my guess is the guys don't have a problem with that, either). Solution: Facebook petition! That totally always works, rather than bringing the problem to supervisors or to city officials. The Facebook petition may have accomplished something: higher-ups have said newer shirts will be thicker and have breast-pockets, to reduce embarassing nipple exposure. Watch for the old shirts at the nearest Coyote Ugly bar.

Fox News spent a good six minutes playing, replaying, closely studying, dissecting and completely adsorbing a bunch of fifteen-year-olds grinding and shaking their booty - oh, but it was the O'Reilly Factor, if they're saying how bad it is, they can play the so-called "offensive" video over and over. Did you see the nude women I posted today? horrible stuff - tomorrow, and the next day, I will continue my expose on how horrible naked women are by uploading even more shocking images of huge breasts and sultry smiles. I'll even show some shocking - shocking! - footage of the obscene material shown before school, well before the watershed, at a time when children are at their most vulnerable, under the guise of providing them important information about their day, seen on a basic cable TV sta-oh, wait, those Hooter girls are on Fox and Friends? Well, shit, isn't Fox News able hate something without simultaneously rubbing their dick against it? Oh, right: they're the conservatives. Shocking!

You know those guys who hold up Bible verses at sporting events? You might want to research their messages better - oh, I'm sure they know exactly what sort of message they're trying to express. And that makes them more awesome than ever. Note the hand-drawn Digg thing.

It's October, and Halloween is right around the corner, so put two and two together and buy Nerdcore's 2010 nudie horror calendar. Boobs and death: is there anything sexier? Get it here, directly from Nerdcore.

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Who the fuck actually buys this stuff? Must be a lot of people: spammers make around $32,000 a week selling fake watches, penis pills, and other illegal sundries through spam. Yes, per week: they make as much a day as I earn in about two or three months. Shit, makes you wonder why you punch a clock every day, don't it? Well, that and the possibility of having your ass tossed in jail for preying on the weakness of others, which I guess is a pretty good deterrent to level-headed guys like me. Fuck me and my honorable behavior.

Front magazine, an awesome lad mag, gets promo stuff mailed to them, like any other magazine. Check out the shock and horror on the staff hottie below at a new book they received - and imagine my surprise, when it turns out that it's a real fucking book that you can get at Amazon. It's nice to know that some publishers don't fuck around when it comes to what their readers want. This Front reader would like to see that readhead with her own girl to be kissing, though, but that's not something I can buy at Amazon, sadly:

Dude, I'm not a big sports guy, but I totally need to subscribe to Dish Network so I can get ESPN 22, the one that shows things like the Belgian Bikini Car Wash Championship. My Fantasy Bikini Car Wash League was doing really well, but network TV doesn't carry the championships, those bastards. I mean, come on: the phrase "belgian bikini car wash champion" has awesome built into ever word (although "wash" is a little weak - "wrestling would make it better). DJMick has photos, but doesn't say who won. I mean, besides the audience.

Yeah, half sound like jokes, but the other half of the weirdest sex questions on Yahoo are the ones to worry about. Don't forget to read the answers; the pedobear one's answers are hilarious in their naivety.